Well! It’s 5 day count down to chemo, it is a bit like been pushed off a cliff, I feel fine, I am going back to the gym, I’m getting out more, becoming stronger, so there is a child like part of me that thinks, why the hell have I got to have chemo, of course I know why, just feels strange to make myself sick while I am feeling well.
It is now 4.46 in the morning, I’m not sleeping very well. I get this strange sensation in my legs which keeps me awake or wakes me up, It’s called Restless Legs Syndrome, you can get it when iron is low in the blood so I’m guessing it’s that.
I have chosen to do a trial, I will be taking two types of chemo drugs, this may give me more chance of survival, just hoping it won’t give me double the side effects.The chemo only lasts half an hour, some last a day, not sure what to expect, or how I’m going to feel after it. According to what I have looked up, if your on a trial, you get better service, they took blood test and Swobs and ct scan to see if I’m healthy enough.
I don’t want to be ill and scare my family and partner and friends,I was talking about that in my counciling, I have started counciling, now there is a Yorkshire instinct I me that thinks, counciling! Pull your bloody socks up and get on with it! But I must admit it did help, it lasted an hour, I just talked about what happened, how I found out, and things which I have thought about a million times over, but in a room with a strange and saying it out aloud seemed to work. I go there once a fortnight for 6 sessions.
But behind the counciling, the blog, the meetings at macmillians, and the emails to others in the same situations, I guess I’m just trying to understand the situation.
It’s now 5.23am.